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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27735961">i put a star on the top of my tree</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonlali/pseuds/sonlali'>sonlali</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Happiest Season (2020)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Christmas, F/F, Gen, Jane deserves better, chosen family, jane is finally given the love and respect she deserves</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 18:47:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,530</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27735961</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonlali/pseuds/sonlali</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>one year after jane's family implodes, she's living a life that makes her happy. AKA jane deserves better.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Abby Holland/Riley Johnson, Jane/Respect</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>72</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>428</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i put a star on the top of my tree</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>not beta read and written in a haze of hurt and fury from watching this movie. </p><p>title from tegan and sara's "make you mine this season"</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Ready for a refill, Jane?” Jane startles at the sound of Cai’s voice and looks up from her laptop. Cai offers an apologetic smile. “Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you.”</p><p>“Oh, no, it’s okay. I was just really in the zone.” Jane laughs and grins back at them. She’s been practically living in this coffee shop for the past month while she writes, and Cai has become a friend of sorts, always making sure to stop by with refills and muffins on the house. </p><p>“How’s that sequel coming?”</p><p>Jane beams. She doesn’t think she’ll ever get used to other people expressing genuine interest in her story and the world she created, and Cai — well, Cai always seems <i>so</i> interested. It makes her feel like she might vibrate out of her own skin sometimes from sheer excitement. </p><p>“Ooh, really well! I think you’re really going to love it! I’ve taken the story in a little bit of an unexpected direction, but I really love where our heroines are going on their journey! And of course, you’re never going to guess what happens with the— Sorry, I’m rambling aren’t I?”</p><p>“Don’t apologize. I love hearing you talk so passionately about your work.” They smile again, and Jane feels her heart do a little flip in her chest. “Maybe one of these days you’ll let me read a sneak peek, hm?” </p><p>“I don’t know about that!” Jane lowers the lid of her laptop and attempts to wrangle her smile into a look of suspicion. “I’ve got my eye on you.” She promptly bursts into giggles, unable to even pretend to adopt the solemn and intense persona she used to think might earn her family’s respect before she realized how much happier she is as her genuine self. </p><p>“Hm, we’ll see.” Cai winks and turns back to the counter. “I’ll grab you a refill, but maybe decaf this time?”</p><p>Jane laughs again and nods, forcing herself to turn back to her laptop to read over what she’s written this afternoon. She’s made good progress today, already hit her daily word count, and the ideas are still flowing. She leans back in the cozy armchair she’s claimed as her own and allows herself a moment to bask in the feelings of pride and satisfaction filling her chest. Not that long ago, these feelings were rare and often squashed by her own family, but now she counts pride in herself and her work as a familiar friend, strong and frequently by her side.</p><p>Her eyes flick up to the clock on her laptop and she frowns at the time, reaching for her phone to see if she has any missed texts. As if on cue, the door to the coffee shop flies open, and in rushes John, his eyes quickly scanning the room before landing on Jane. He hurries over and drops dramatically into the chair across from her, immediately launching into a story about a  gorgeous man, a poorly-decorated coffee shop, and a delicious mocha frappe before he’s even finished taking off his scarf. </p><p>“Anyway, as soon as I realized I was in the wrong coffee shop, I came right here! I mean, after I finished my frappe and got the lovely gentleman’s phone number obviously.” He suddenly seems to realize that his audience is made only of Jane and swivels his head left and right, even peering over his shoulder before spinning back to face her. “Um, why is no one else here?”</p><p>“I guess you aren’t the only one who’s running late.” Jane shrugs. “Maybe they went to the wrong coffee shop too.”</p><p>“Huh, what?” John looks up from his phone with a distracted expression. </p><p>“I said maybe—” </p><p>John cuts her off with a wave of his hand and gestures to his phone. “They’re on their way. Looks like they’re about a block from here.”</p><p>They chat about Jane’s new book for a while before the door to the shop opens again. Jane looks up to see Abby walking in, her face flushed and hair messy, one gloved hand clasped with one of Riley’s. They’re wearing matching chagrined expressions, and John suddenly looks like Christmas came early, a cheshire cat smile stretching wide across his face. </p><p>“Hey, hey, sorry we’re late,” Abby says breathlessly, as she drags two chairs over to the table. </p><p>Riley smooths a hand over her hair and offers a small smile. “Lost track of the time, sorry.”</p><p>“You <i>lost track of the time</i>?” John’s voice is dripping with sarcasm, his eyes are alight with suppressed laughter. </p><p>“Yeah, yep, just didn’t, uh, didn’t notice what time it was.” Abby bites her lower lip and carefully avoids meeting John’s gaze. </p><p>“I’ll get us something to drink.” Riley jumps out of her seat and looks around the table. “Anyone need anything?” </p><p>Cai just refilled Jane’s coffee, and John purchased a large latte while they were waiting for Abby and Riley to arrive, so Jane opens her mouth to decline Riley’s offer, but John interrupts.</p><p>“Yes, actually. If you could get me a blueberry scone, that would be <i>so</i> great. Thanks!”</p><p>Abby rolls her eyes, but Riley just smiles, dropping a kiss to Abby’s cheek and grabbing her wallet from her purse. “Your usual, babe?” Abby promptly flushes scarlet at John’s smirk but nods at Riley with a mumbled <i>thanks</i>.</p><p>“Mm, so things are still going well with you and Riley, huh, babe?” John props his chin on his fist and widens his eyes at Abby, who ignores him entirely and turns to Jane.</p><p>“So, Jane, are we still on for tomorrow?” </p><p>The question shouldn’t make Jane feel like she’s just been punched in the gut. She’s perfectly aware of today’s date and what that means for tomorrow. They all have discussed this several dozen times, had long conversations about what this means for Jane and what would make her feel most comfortable. Yet, somehow, the reminder that tomorrow is Christmas still settles low in Jane’s gut like a block of ice, chilling her to the bone and making it hard to breathe.</p><p>Riley returns then with coffees and scones, her eyes darting to Abby’s at the noticeable tension that has fallen over the table. </p><p>“Jane, you know it’s okay if you want to be alone, or even if you want to—” Abby’s voice is low and reassuring, but it still makes Jane wince and shake her head from side to side so fiercely that it makes her neck ache.</p><p>“No, no, I haven’t changed my mind,” Jane says firmly. </p><p>Jane loves Christmas. She always has. She loves the lights and the presents and the tree and the music. But Christmas has always meant family, and Jane hasn’t spoken to her family since March. After last Christmas, Jane finally realized that she needed to distance herself from the family who has hurt her so much over the course of her life. She tried to just take a little break, but her parents did <i>not</i> respond well to Jane vocalizing her pain and asking to be treated differently. </p><p>Jane had hoped that she would have better luck with her sisters, but the fights with them were somehow even more painful than the arguments with her parents. Harper especially had been unwilling to listen to Jane. When she found out that Jane has befriended Abby and Riley — well, she and Harper haven’t spoken since that day. Two weeks later, after a conversation with her parents left Jane in tears, she realized that she needed a clean separation from her family. </p><p>It was March 13 when she started blocking her family’s calls, stopped responding to texts, and moved to a new apartment far away from her parents’ house. Jane hopes that one day she will be able to rebuild her relationship with her parents and her sisters. Her heart aches at the loss, but she also feels so much more joy and acceptance and respect in her life now. She feels understood and valued and cared for by Abby, Riley, and John. </p><p>She made the decision back in October that she would not be spending Christmas with her family this year. Abby, who is still very much not a fan of Christmas, invited Riley, John, and Jane over to her apartment for Christmas to eat, drink, and watch cheesy holiday films. Well, the cheesy holiday films were Jane’s idea, but Abby and John reluctantly agreed as long as they can play drinking games as they watch. </p><p>Jane is planning on baking cookies and hanging colorful lights around Abby’s living room. It will undoubtedly be far different from any Christmas she has ever had before, but as Jane thinks back to last Christmas and the shouting and the cruel words and the way Harper destroyed her painting as if it meant nothing, she thinks maybe that different is very good in this case.</p><p>“Jane?” Abby’s voice shakes her out of her thoughts.</p><p>“Yeah? Yeah, sorry. Yes, I am completely sure that I want to spend my Christmas with all of you this year, and I can’t wait.”</p><p>Jane looks at her friends and smiles, her heart filling with emotion — pride, happiness, acceptance, and most of all, love.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>come say hi on tumblr <a href="https://landofsonlali.tumblr.com/">@landofsonlali</a>!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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